Sango and Miroku the collumnists!
by morningafter2
Summary: What if Sango and Miroku were advice collumnists? OO XX
1. Default Chapter

WHEE! I don't own 'em.  
  
~*~  
  
Sango: Okay, Miroku, let's get this over with.  
  
Miroku: HAI!  
  
Sango: Ano...  
  
Miroku: What's it say?  
  
Sango: *reads* Dear Sango and Miroku, I'm a preteen super-heroine infused with the genes of an almost extinct cat. Whenever I get too excited or nervous, my cat ears and tail pop out. This is a major pain because this happens when I'm with my crush a lot. HEEEEELP!!!  
  
Signed, Kitty Ears  
  
Miroku: O_O I'm out. I have no idea what to say to that.  
  
Sango: *Sweatdrop* Guess it's up to me then... Lesee.  
  
Letter reads: Dear Kitty Ears, Well, the simple solution would be not to let anything catch you off guard or make you nervous or overly excited, but things are never that simple. When you think your cat ears are going to pop out, just hum a song, it'll make you calm down.  
  
Signed, Sango and Miroku  
  
Sango: There! Finished!  
  
Miroku: *nods approvingly* Very nice.  
  
Sango: Oh, look! Another one!  
  
Miroku: *reads the letter* Dear Sango and Miroku, I have an allergy to girls, whenever I get too close to one, I break out in hives. And this girl, a mysterious P.I. called "Spica, Zodiac P.I.", keeps popping up, helping me solve cases, and disappearing, taking advantage of my allergy! It's really starting to BUG me. I really wanna beat her!!!  
  
Signed, Girl Problems  
  
Miroku: I'll take this one! *types*  
  
Letter reads: Dear Girl Problems,  
  
I sympathize. Try not chasing her. This girl seems like trouble, and trouble seems to follow you. If you get her to follow you, it'll be easier to beat her than if you follow her.  
  
~ Miroku and Sango  
  
Sango: Good enough, Miroku. ... Another one!!! *reads the email* Dear Sango and Miroku. My ex-crush just confessed that he loves me, although he dumped me years ago. Now I think I'm in love with my stepbrother, although he's a total jerk. I don't want to love either of them! I think. HELP ME! I'm just one girl!  
  
From, Just a girl  
  
Sango: I'll take this. *types*  
  
Letter reads:  
  
Dear Just A Girl, you're very, very confused. You need to think LONG AND HARD about which guy you REALLY like, because if you can't decide, you may not end up with either. It sounds like you're in denial. You say you don't love them, but you know otherwise.  
  
Signed, Sango and Miroku  
  
Miroku: *nods approvingly* Very nice. Ano. ANOTHER ONE?!?!  
  
Sango: *reads the name about the end of the letter* It says it's from "Punching Bag". *giggles* This one is funny.  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER: END  
  
Ending credits:  
  
Miroku: blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Sango: blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Miroku: We would like you to guess what anime characters wrote the letters.  
  
Sango: If you get all three correct, you will be allowed to get a (written) hug from your anime crush, courtesy of the kind and generous author.  
  
Miroku: But this means that you have to list your anime crush in your review!  
  
Sango and Miroku: JA NE MINNA-SAN! And don't forget to REVIEW! 


	2. A visit from Museless Author and Hime! A...

Author's notes: SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY!!!!! I spent SO LONG finding time to do this, only to find that the entire chapter had been deleted!!! GOMEN NE!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of them. Nope. Just don't. Well, I own myself. Obviously. I think.  
  
Museless Author: Read on, you'll not only get a hug from Miroku, but a little part in the fanfic.  
  
~*~  
  
Sango: Okay, Houshi-sama, listen to this. "Dear Sango and Miroku, I have major girl problems. When I was five, I made a promise to a girl to go to Tokyo University with her and live happily ever after. Now, it's 15 years later, and I don't remember her name or what she looks like. Not only that, but I live in a girl's dorm with six girls who beat the crap out of me, and I think that my promised girl might be one of them. Signed, Punching Bag"  
  
Miroku: Whoa, talk about complicated. *Writes something*  
  
Sango: Let me read that.  
  
Miroku: Don't you trust me?  
  
Sango: This from the guy who asks every girl he sees to bear his child? Not in the least.  
  
Miroku: *sighs* That hurts, Sango. It's all true, but still.  
  
Sango: *reads* Dear Punching Bag, well if you don't remember her, then maybe she's not worth remembering? Go for the girl you like, even if she isn't your promised girl. Signed, Sango and Miroku.  
  
Miroku: ...  
  
Sango: It'll do. Next letter. This is from. Kung Fu Fighter. *sweatdrops* "Dear Sango and Miroku, I have a problem. (duh! Or else I wouldn't write to you!) The guy I've liked since forever, who is also my best friend, has a crush on another girl, who seems to have a crush on another guy, and I'm confused as hell! Signed, Kung Fu Fighter"  
  
Miroku: You take this one.  
  
Sango: Yeah. *writes* "Dear Kung Fu Fighting, if you like him, tell him. If he's your friend, there's not exactly a big chance that you'll screw things up too badly, and he'll most likely understand. Even if he doesn't return your feelings, it'll feel nice to get it off your chest, right? Signed, Sango and Miroku"  
  
Hime (Moi!): This coming from the girl who won't even tell *gets Sango's hand clamped over her mouth*  
  
Sango: *Hisses* Shut up!  
  
Hime: You're a hypocrite, Sango. Shame on you.  
  
Miroku: Did I miss something?  
  
Museless Author: I have no idea, but if you did, I did too.  
  
Sango: Who are you and what are you doing here?  
  
Hime: *suddenly has cat ears* Well, you see, I am the author of this fanfic, and Museless Author here *waves to Museless Author nonchalantly* won a hug from Miroku.  
  
Sango: Miroku doesn't want to hug her!  
  
Hime: Be that as it may.  
  
Sango: What the hell are you doing?  
  
Hime: What I'm SUPPOSED to do, duh. *Types something and Miroku is suddenly hugging Museless Author*  
  
Sango: Say... Hime, aren't you a Miroku fanatic too?  
  
Hime: This is true.  
  
Sango and Hime: *Are currently glaring at Miroku*  
  
Sango: Shall we?  
  
Hime: Break up the festivities? Definitely.  
  
Sango: Let's go then.  
  
Sango and Hime: *rush towards Miroku with their weapons, Hiraikotsu and Hime's backpack (which could knock anyone out if they're hit with it)*  
  
Miroku: *suddenly has two rather large bumps on his head* OW.  
  
Sango: HMPH! Serves you right!  
  
Miroku: Why ME? Hime's the one who offered that reward!  
  
Hime: But Museless Author is the one who asked for a hug from Miroku!  
  
Sango: *Suddenly glaring at Hime and Museless Author*  
  
Hime: Ehehe...  
  
Miroku: Jealous ladies?  
  
Sango: NO!  
  
Hime: VERY!  
  
Miroku: You can have hugs too if it means that much to you.  
  
Sango: Ecchi!  
  
Hime: Love one. However, Museless Author over here won the hug, therefore, I can't have a hug from you right now. And since Sango looks like she's about to kill either Museless Author or myself, I think we should leave now. Bai!  
  
Museless Author: Bye!  
  
Hime: *Types something and she and Museless Author disappear*  
  
Sango: Where were we?  
  
Miroku: Next letter?  
  
Sango: Right. *Reads* Dear Sango and Miroku, I've got a gender crisis. I'm a woman in love with a guy who changes into a girl, and I'm a crossdresser. Not only this, but the guy seems to be in love with another girl, which is bad enough, since he has about a half dozen fiancée's as it is, and I'm the most neglected. H.E.L.P. Signed, Gender Crisis  
  
Miroku: O___o I think you should handle this one, Sango. I'm not exactly an expert on these matters.  
  
Sango: *Deathglare* And I AM?!  
  
Miroku: *Inches away slowly* No ma'am.  
  
Sango: Don't call me Ma'am!  
  
Miroku: Yes Sango.  
  
Sango: *Sighs and starts writing* Dear Gender Crisis, I'm sorry that all I can say is that you really shouldn't crossdress unless it makes you truly happy, because if you want to attract this guy, you should be feminine, not masculine. But don't stop being yourself just to attract him! As for the half dozen other Fiancée's, not really much you can do, eh? Signed Sango and Miroku.  
  
Miroku: *reading over Sango's shoulder* I think that's good.  
  
Sango: Right. Next one. It's from eh... It's just signed "K".  
  
~*~  
  
Sango: You guys know the drill!  
  
Miroku: If you can correctly guess all three people who wrote us today...  
  
Hime: You get a hug from an anime character of your choice!  
  
Miroku: So hurry up...  
  
Sango: And review! 


End file.
